I like grapes

Gramma got some grapes from the store and they were good. Some sour some sweet, they were bursting with juice. They take my mind off of the immense load in front of me. Most fruit has that affect on me, except tomatoes. They, while are alright in salad, do not help you to take a journey in your mind with that little kid that only you know to some imaginary stream where you eat sweet fruits in a tree, just watching the river roll on. Of course that could just be me. But there really is nothing like sitting there, not a care in the world, with a piece of ripe fruit in your hand. Peaceful.

It is a confusing time, facing the reality of being 24 and residing in my parents basement, fufill every cliche` in the book. At some point in the next three months I have to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. Or at least for the next five to six years.

That damn song again. It gets me every time. Skin ~ Rascal Flatts powerful stuff. Video is good too. Really heart wrenching.

Anyway on with the putting things that I am thinking down. Three months, three months to decide the rest of my life. The next three months will tell me exactly what type of man I am going to be. I admit that I am still a kid, I have never had a real responsibility in my life, the bills that I have had to pay were really nothing bills, power, cable, internet, rent, food, not a real house payment, not a real car payment, nothing that would really sap a person's income. Well there was the girlfriend bill that I would have to pay periodically but that has not been for a while. Good thing too because I am more broke now than I have ever been in my life. Even as a little kid I had some money, really strange to wish and pray that you make it to the bank to cash your paycheck to put a little gas in a bare bones tank that really is running on fumes, and has been for the past thirty miles, and then the paycheck goes away, spent. But I don't have real worries right now. There is nothing that I have to support other than myself, which I am not doing for the simple fact that I cannot hold a job for the next three months. It is not a matter of not wanting to work for fear of overloading myself, I do that all the time, just ask Amanda about my workouts. Central forbids any and all student teachers to hold jobs. Now I know that I could probably try and sneak around and get a job, but they are holding the piece of paper that says I can get on with my life and break free of the College. It is probably better that I am not dating, nor have had a date since Serafima punched me. One it allows me to deal with the obvious problems that I have had with women, well obvious to some. Allow me to really break away from the old so that I can prepare for the new.

I don't fault the girl that stood me up, I know that the time right after a break up is somewhat sensitive, not her fault not mine either, just a problem that I have had since back in public school... timing. Stories associated with that. Nor do I fault Natasha for either letting me down easy or not wanting to start something at that time. Again timing. There is a song that says something along the lines, Every bump on the road led me right to you, meaning that life takes you where you need to go to allow you to be with the one that, well I would say some funny story here about the person that I am meant to be with but I haven't met her, or if I have met her I have not told her, and if I have not told her than more than likely I have no idea. It would be nice to have some idea though, a hint, an inkling. Maybe just a burning bush that as I walk past says, hey Brandon see that girl in across the street that is the person that will fulfill you completely. Yeah that would be nice, just a little less fun though...

And going back to the grapes, if you get sour grapes just remember that some people like sour grapes. Just like some people liking sitting in martini bars and looking swank, others would rather sit on a tailgate with a bottle of rootbeer looking at the stars. And yet somehow those two people can be close as brothers.