Why do I?

For the most part I do not care about what others think of me. If someone starts to demean my intelligence I usually just start playing the part of the dumb yokel because now it is a game. I don't care how much I eat, even as others tell me that I will be sorry when I am older. What they do not understand is that when I am older more than likely I will have slowed down a little bit and my eating habits will follow. I don't care that others do not push themselves as hard as I do and then make fun of me for it. Calling me insane, it is not insane, it is not a workout addiction, it is a work ethic thing. Similar to how I have not flipped anyone off since I learned what it was, Dad told me not to ever do that again, he als0 told me to work as hard as you can every time you are asked to. It is not to be better than anyone else it is just being the way that I am. Until recently I had never cared what I was wearing. The top of the pile was good enough for me. That is still there but I do have to dress up a bit for school.

If I really do not care about what people think of me then why is it that I think that it would be not a good idea to go to a gym and talk to women. I try to put myself into their shoes and I know that I would not want some idiot coming over to me interrupting my workout in a sad attempt to build a relationship out of a brief conversation. So this would lead me to just not have the conversation, save myself and her the awkward conversation. David's friend James said something that stuck with me through the night, "The cold pickup is hard. I have no idea what to say."

I guess it all comes down to confidence. In all other aspects of my life I am supremely confident in my abilities. Athletics, never had a problem, school was a breeze, teaching just sort of flows naturally, driving in bad conditions, my health, I always knew that it would be alright. In everything that I have read and everything that people have told me women look for confidence in a man. Well I have it, but I guess not in the right area. That might have been part of the education that I missed in high school and college. Not the schoolin' but the education. -MT

Well lets see I go through high school so focused on wrestling that I really did not notice much else there. College I decided to reinvent myself, become outgoing, talk to everyone, and then six days later I have a girlfriend who was a bit of a shut in, allowing me to be a shut in, six months later we are engaged. Another part of the education that I had missed, don't let them walk all over you. You have an opinion too, it is a valid opinion. Don't be afraid to drop the nuke card if it is not feeling right. Remember that in a relationship there is give and take, if you are giving and she is telling you that you need to stop taking so much, you might need to re-evaluate your situation. Sometimes having an impartial outsider listen and comment on "disagreements" will help both parties. (And help one party actually stand up for himself. Thanks Amanda)

But again I find myself ignoring this education because of wrestling. I am wanting to go to the national tournament in Las Vegas which means much working out, and, "Women weaken legs." -Mickey. I guess with no money, no place to live, and wrestling I have enough excuses to avoid this topic until at least summer.

Is it there to lose?

Twenty-five. Twenty-five, that is huge. I have never done that much before. So far I have done seventeen but that really turned into like seven once season started. But twenty-five, I mean I could go sixty-three but then what am I getting into. Guys that are cutting from 180-90. That is a lot of strength to make up. But then what would I be doing to my body? Is it worth it? Was it ever worth it? Who would I train with? How would I train? I can't do this alone. I could spend the next three months lifting to make up the strength and then I would not have to go down, but... sixty-three that's getting into the upper weights. Would that be worth it to make it to Vegas? If that was the only way that I could go, would it be enough? Is it too much? How much do I really love what it would be that I was doing? Why am I doing this? That might be the big question. As Pauly said, "What you don't think that you've peaked yet." In the movie he was joking, but maybe I haven't. I feel like I have learned a lot about the sport by taking a step back and not going for a little while. Maybe just take a look at state and see how I feel about getting to weight before then. If I do decide to do this there is no turning back, no I quit, I am going to go back to the all go no quit, go big or go home attitude. Forty-five and a half might be my best bet. Can I do it though, while working and coaching? If and that is a big if, if I do decide to then it is done.

The aftermath

On this Sunday one year ago, there I was innocently watching the Giants get stomped by the Panthers. I wanted to see what little Manning could do. Would he be able to pull his team out of this deficit to make a game of it? Third quarter is winding down, I have my feet on Rebecca's lap for no real reason. She is not so much interested in the game as her homework. Which was fine by me, I was enjoying the game. Like most men when I am watching football I get itches. Not thinking anything of it I scratch. She tells me to stop, I told her to hold on I am almost done, she punches me where I am itching. I pop up completely out of my lazy Sunday watching football mode. At first I was confused, then she said, "You should have stopped scratching." Weird to think that it has been a year.

Officially it happened on the eighth of January but today what was I watching? The Giants game where they were getting stomped by the Eagles. And throughout the game I didn't get hit once. I would say that it was an improvement on last year's game. At least this year they scored some points.

It has been an interesting year alone. In the Winter I played hockey, studied hard (first time for everything), got to hang out with my roommate playing video games, in the Spring, I played a lot of golf, enjoyed hours of yoga, played softball, swam a long way, in the Summer I went to Japan, was the best man at my best friend's wedding, said some words, said good bye, attempted another 360 on the wake board with hazardous results, fought my way into student teaching, in the Fall I student taught, found a deep love of teaching, started coaching, ran a marathon after a month of training, got a job teaching, and moved back home. The number of movies has only increased. Still laughing, still smiling, still keeping things light, whatever happens, happens.